


I can't let you go now that I got it

by jirlo



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Best Friends, Challenges, Evan "Buck" Buckley and Eddie Diaz Being Idiots, First Kiss, Kiss your best friend Challenge, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Social Media, TikTok, WIP, Worried Evan "Buck" Buckley, firehouse family, maybe multiple chapters in the making, probably gonna be rated later - teens and up, probably swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-09-18
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:54:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26441524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jirlo/pseuds/jirlo
Summary: Buck has some free time on his hands and when he joins tiktok it hits rather big. He leaves the station and his firehouse family out of it most times. But one day he makes the decision to include Eddie in a challenge, only to find out he had miscalculated his best friend's reaction.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 27
Kudos: 328





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first attemp on a Buddie fic and also the first on a fic with only characters on the show.  
> Usually I'm a sucker for character/reader - but he fell hard of this ship.
> 
> Though I wouldn't want them canon for I'm actually so happy to see a deep and good male friendship portrait on screen. But that's the thing about fiction, isn't it? 
> 
> The titel is a lyric from "Electric Love" by Børns.
> 
> In no way I'm associated with 911 or Fox or anything else related. Also not to TikTok at all. 
> 
> happy reading c:

Buck had a lot of free time on his hands. He hated the feeling, but lately it crept up onto him more often. When they all sat on the table for lunch at the station a few weeks back, he had felt it first.

He looked from colleague to colleague and saw a certain smile, a smile he hadn’t felt in a while. Bobby’s was subtle but seemed to be always there. He had found a good place for himself. Hen just adjusted her life choices, but was optimistic and her motivation was contagious. On her right, he found Chim, who was over the moon with Maddie and at peace with Albert. A family he had longed for so long. Last, he turned to face Eddie, who was laughing at Chimney’s comment. That laugh had been rare for a while, especially for Buck and he was so happy to see it again. Eddie was working through a tremendous trauma and Buck was proud to witness his best friend succeeding.

Buck was happy for everyone at this table, and their families. When he finally thought about where it left him, he had a little more trouble to see the good side of things.   
Sure, he had come back to his job, his family – but the price had been so high. He had risked everything and had come so close to losing it all –it still frightened him. They were all he had. But Buck knew by the end of the shift they would all go home to someone. However, he wouldn’t.

Most days he could talk himself up. On that day, he was not able to do that. So he had gone home to an empty loft, where no one waited. He rested his forearms on his kitchen island and hung his head. Buck would give himself 60 seconds to mope. 60 seconds to let the bad thoughts fill his mind. Thoughts of regret, of loss and rejection. He thought about how all of his friends loved him, but lived their lives beside him. How he was a lot to take, how he was sometimes too much. He thought about the people he had lost, who had left him. About people who he had disappointed and who he still tried to convince how much he loved them. 60 seconds. More was not possible. If he would ponder on this longer, he would fall down a rabbit hole and he most certainly wouldn’t do that. 

After 60 seconds he rolled his shoulders back and went over all good achievements. He had survived his childhood; he had overcome a time of uncertainty and cluelessness. Buck had found his passion and love. Yes, his relationships had failed. But that didn’t say he was not worthy of anything. He had grown on those heartbreaks. He had a job he loved and a family. A family he might not live with, but that was all right. He had a bunch of nieces and nephew, maybe not by blood – yet – but he felt that way about all the 118-kids. Except maybe for Christopher who didn’t compete with the others. He was Buck’s superman after all.

All combined he had more free time than the others did and when he had realized it, he decided to find something to do with this time.   
Buck had decided not go back to online dating or randomly dating in general. He had sat on his couch and had played with his phone and finally found something.

Since he had installed the app, it quickly took up his free time.

Buck got a quick hang of it and he had a huge fan base on tiktok. The little snippets he posted were random in the beginning, but soon he had involved the firehouse into his videos. He never took his phone out on calls; he never did use it to ruin the reputation of his station or the department in general. In fact he had talked to Bobby before he had started including the 118. Bobby didn’t had much of a clue, but since he had seen May using the platform he at least knew about it.

Sometimes Buck would prank Chimney for a video. But his someday-soon-brother-in-law was rather relaxed and liked to be a part of Bucks new hobby. Hen was a different subject. She was part of some dance challenges for which Buck had gotten requests.

Maddie distanced herself from it, but sometimes let Buck zoom onto her in a video. Still she only made little to no appearances. Buck knew Bobby would always say ‘no’, even though deep down Buck assumed he could convince his captain if he wanted to. Eddie on the other hand was of limits. He had seen the eye rolls and the raised eyebrows whenever Buck talked about the app.  
At times May and Buck would have cameos in the others video.

Eddie didn’t judge and Buck wouldn’t push him either. He knew his best friend didn’t get the hype and considered it a time-eating unnecessity. However, Buck didn’t know that both Hen and Eddie actually appreciate Bucks commitment and consideration. They both saw how the young man beamed since he started his tiktok.

Buck went through the videos on a quiet shift and stumbled on an apparently new trend. The videos all had the same timeline. Two people in front of the camera and one of them initiated a kiss. The two people weren’t strangers or a couple. The two people were best friends – that’s what the challenge was called after all ‘Kiss your best friend’. Some of his followers had asked him to do it, so he had started to look into it.

He had seen so many clips. The ones with pure joy and the ones with the devastation – and he had taken his time. He didn’t liked the trend that much, because it could cause so much trouble and hurt. However, he came to the conclusion that it was something that would never hurt his relationship with his friends.

He could do it with Hen or even Chimney – that would be easy. Buck could laugh it off and it would be over before it had begun. But they weren’t his best friend and he was going to be authentic. It would have be with Eddie, Eddie who just walked by towards the kitchen. Eddie who always looked like the weight of his thoughts made his shoulders tense in the most relaxed moments. He poured himself a cup of coffee, looked over to Buck, toasted to him, and took a sip.

They were on the same page – the worked almost synchronized, spent most of their free time together and he even trusted Buck enough with Christopher – the biggest privilege of all. No, it wouldn’t sabotage their friendship. Buck could see Eddie’s reaction in his mind.

_He would knit his eyebrows together, look at Buck, look at the phone and would give a chuckle. Buck would probably crack up laughing anyway and at least after the kiss. Eddie would shake his head and tell him to start the car. Oh, yeah – Buck had decided to do it in the car. He had his phone installed anyway and Eddie tends to check his phone before they go anywhere. Perfect timing. Buck would start the video, Eddie wouldn’t wonder. Than a short but intense look at the camera before leaning over the middle console, catching Eddies chin and giving him a kiss.  
All planned. Bullet proof. _

Buck smiled at Eddie and while they rode to the next call he asked him if they should spent their day off together. It would be the first day without a shift after Christopher would have left for summer camp. A great distraction for Eddie and probably the reason Eddie agreed.

* * *

The day came sooner than Buck had thought and he was nervous after all. Christopher had just left for summer camp and Eddie couldn’t shake off his worries, so Buck took him out – not to dine and wine. A good old hike just outside of the city, with the heat and as much as possible silence. A real break.  
Eddie had come over early, with coffee and breakfast. He had parked his car outside and they would take Bucks from here. They settled on an easy hike without climbing or dangerous cliffs. They had a shift the next day and didn’t want a lecture from Hen or Bobby. Also, Buck didn’t want to explain something like that to Christopher or Eddie’s family in general.   
The both had a backpack, filled with lunch, a lot of water and some first aid just in case. Buck grabbed his phone and keys and off they went.

Once settled in the car, Buck realized once more how nervous he was. He put his phone in the holder on the dashboard and started the camera. He could cut the video later. In retro perspective, he never imagined to be nervous at all. It was supposed to be just fun thing, a little joke between Eddie and him. He bit his lips and furrowed his brows at the camera as if he wanted to ask “ _What am I doing here_?”. He propped his right forearm on the middle console and chewed the inside of his mouth.

Buck puffed a breath and watched Eddie from the corner of his eye. As predicted he was checking his phone, probably hoping to make an update from Christopher appear. It relaxed Buck a lot. The honest worry and true love for his son, made Eddie even better. Buck did not just trust him; he adored him for who he was.

It gave Buck the strength to recollect himself and refocused on his plan. He looked back into the camera and raised his eyebrows. _Here goes nothing_.

Buck put his weight on the middle console and reached over to capture Eddies chin with his left. Eddie didn’t move right away, too focused on the screen but when Buck tugged a little more urgently and Eddie finally turned his head. Buck tightened the grip on Eddie’s chin and acted quickly. He closed his eyes as he brushed his lips against Eddie’s. He had thought it would be only a peck on the lips but could not stop there, he pushed his lips into Eddie’s before he broke away.

Eddies reaction was definitely different than Buck had imagined. His eyes were wide and his mouth fell open a little before he returned his eyes to his phone, locked the screen and looked outside the window with his left hand over his mouth. Buck smiled anyway, his cheeks flushed and he stopped the video but hit the button twice and started the car.

Eddie changed the radio channel and turned his look back to the side window. Buck navigated the car out of the parking garage and entered the street. It was still early and the traffic seemed to be all right. Since Eddie had just changed the channel, Buck didn’t touch the radio to find any news about the current situation out on the streets.

“Traffic doesn’t look too bad.” Buck started and hoped Eddie would participate in a conversation.

“Mhm.”

“Did you hear about any delays?”

“No.” Buck grimaced on the one-syllable answer and looked over to see Eddie still staring outside.

“So, erm – Last week at the station?”, Buck waited, but didn’t expect an answer.  
“Yeah – I stumbled over a challenge. A tiktok challenge. Yes, I know you don’t wanna be a part in it. Noted and all. But… I don’t know. I guess, I just - I gave in. Are you okay?”

“Mh?”, Eddie turned and Buck caught his look for a second because he had to look back on the street.

“Are you okay? Did- did you mind the kiss?”

“Fine, - I’m fine.”

Buck gave him a glance and nodded. Eddie wouldn’t be bothered by it – he had known. But he hadn’t expected a nonchalant Eddie. He expected laughing, maybe even a punch in the arm for that.

“So – have you heard from Chris?”

With the mentioning of his son, Eddie relaxed. His sentences grew longer and he sat back in his seat. Buck relaxed to, his fingers loosened the grip on the wheel and slowly a conversation emerged.

As Buck parked the car and they both took a minute to adjust their backpacks, the atmosphere between them seemed to ease back a little more.

The hike was just what they needed. It was quiet and they didn’t bump into many people. They didn’t talk much and even though their silence was most often never awkward – this time it was, at least for Buck. He started to overthink Eddies reaction. The gap between them grew, Eddie is determined to reach the top of the hills as soon as possible and Buck fell back behind.

When he reached the top, Eddie was already waiting for him. He sat on the backrest of one of the benches and Bucks took a seat next to Eddies left foot. As he drank half of his water, he took in the view. The valley and all the buildings. Back in the city, he sometimes forgot how much nature must have been there once. Up there he can hardly not see it. Buck chewed the inside of his cheeks and his brows were knitted together when Eddies left knee bumped into his shoulder. Buck didn’t react, so Eddie did it again and Buck leant his head back to look up. He was lucky enough for wearing his sunglasses but wished Eddie wouldn’t.

“You’re quiet, man.” Eddie simply said.

Buck shrugged a shoulder and looked back. He got another nudge, followed by a “Hey?”

“I-“ he started, still looking for the words he wanted to say.

“I don’t know. I feel like it was stupid?”

“What exactly this time?” Buck looked back up and saw Eddie grinning. He pulled a face at him, before he answered.

“About early – in the car. The… the-“

“-kiss?” Eddie finished. Buck just nodded.

“Was it stupid?” he asked and when Eddie didn’t answer right away Buck rambled on.

“Because I thought about it before. You know – there were so many requests for me to do it, and I genuinely thought it was stupid. I think it must have ruined some friendships already. Then I thought that – hey – it’s us. Buck and Eddie. What could go wrong? We flirt – we bicker – we don’t mean any of it. So I thought, sure – let’s go. But…” He trailed off.

“But what, Buck?”

“I thought you would react differently.”

Eddie laughed. It was not full, maybe it wasn’t even a laugh – more a breathed chuckle.

“How did you think I would react?”

Buck shrugged again. “I thought you might…”. He couldn’t finish this thought either – what should he say? Would it make it worse?

“I thought you might laugh it off, call me an idiot and tell me to get going and stop doing stupid tiktok challenges.” He glanced up and saw Eddie nodding slowly.

“That would have been a perfectly good reaction”, Eddie said after what felt a minute.

“Yeah”, Buck huffed, “so… _are_ we good?”

Eddie turned his head. The sunglasses still on, but Buck was sure Eddie was looking directly at him, studied him. There was a smile ghosting Eddies lips and Buck wondered about that – because he had never seen this kind of smile.

“Yeah, we are good, Buck.” Eddie nudged his knee once more into Bucks shoulder and smiled at him.

On the way back, Buck stumbled and Eddies caught him – because Eddie is always there.

Buck graved closeness to Eddie. So when Eddie asked if they would meet up with the rest of the team at a bar, Buck happily said yes.

The drive back home had been less tense. Eddie had used the time to text the team about the idea and the details. When Buck unbuckled his belt, he pulled both lips in between his teeth and looked over to Eddie.

“All set. We meet at eight. Do you need a pick up?”

Buck shook his head. He didn’t think it would be smart. Driving by himself forbid too much alcohol, or alcohol at all. Clear mind, no more stupid ideas.

As Buck closed the door behind him, he ran his hands over his face. He tossed his backpack on a chair and went straight to the bathroom to have a shower. The warm water helped him sooth his thoughts. He stood longer under the showerhead than probably necessary. His hand ran over his head and face repeatedly. His mind thrifted back to the morning he had shared with Eddie.

How normal it had been for Eddie to show up with breakfast and share it with Buck. To head out of the city together, just them. They were so familiar with each other. The one reason why Buck had been sure he could do the video in the first place. However, the moment he kissed Eddie had been different. Under the warm water, he acknowledged it wasn’t just Eddie’s reaction, which had been off.

Originally, Buck had planned a quick peck, followed by a smile or some laughter. It would be just a second, a little moment – a brush of lips and it would be over.   
But he had to admit, that the moment his lips met Eddie’s changed all his plans. Eddie’s lips were soft but Buck was not too surprised on that. What did surprised him was the feeling. Yes, Buck knew everything between them was familiar, that so many interactions they shared were well acquainted. Nevertheless, he never expected to have those feelings, when he locked his lips with Eddie.

It had felt normal, as if they should be doing that more often. Like he should have given Eddie a kiss when he brought coffee, or when they parted after they said their goodbyes. It had felt so normal.

He finally turned the water off and wandered to his couch, dressed in a towel. He grabbed his phone on the way to the living room and unlocked it while he sat down. As he leaned against the cushion, he swung his legs up to relax on the couch. He scrolled through his social media, to avoid watching the video.

Buck tossed the phone to his side, just to pick it up right again. He opened the gallery and looked at the latest data. His eyebrows furrowed when he saw two videos instead of one. He clicked the first and felt a blush coloring his cheeks.

There he was, looking at the camera before he had gazed over to Eddie. Buck saw that he had actually wet his lips before returning his eyes to the camera and then his hand lifted Eddies chin and all Buck could do, was pushing his free hand over his mouth as he watched. The kiss looked exactly how Buck remembered the feelings. Soft, intimidate, sweet and a little too long.  
He saw how Eddie’s eyes had been hooded when he had faced Buck, how Eddie had closed them for a moment before they widened. Buck’s hand crept higher to cover his eyes, but he peaked through his fingers. He saw them part and how Eddie blinked before he turned to the window, biting his lower lip. Overall, it caused butterflies inside of Buck.

So, he watched it again. And again. He decided that there was no moment to cut out. However, he wasn’t sure if he should post it at all. The third time he watched the video, he saw how Eddie’s left hand had come up but stopped midair, before it could reach Bucks arm.   
Maybe Eddie had thought about pushing Buck’s hand away. The idea of it, gave Buck a stung to his stomach. Even if Eddie had thought about it, he hadn’t done it. Moreover, he had told Buck they were okay. Therefore, they were okay.

Buck watched it one more time before he got dressed and ready for a night with his team-family.

* * *

Eddie was the first to arrive, which almost never happened. Fair to say, he wasn’t taking Christopher gone too well. Buck entered the bar with Chimney and Maddie and ends up to Eddie’s direct left. They bumped their shoulders into each other and shared a warm smile. 

As soon as Hen, Karen and Bobby arrived, Chim offered to pick up the first order but denied paying for all of them. The evening is carefree, easy. They joke and evaluate their last week at the firehouse.

Chimney brought a moment up, where Buck and Hen had made a tiktok at the station. After laughing about the dance scene the two had given the team, Maddie sprinkled her knowledge about resent challenges on the social media.

The “Kissing-your-best-friend”-challenge came up and Buck sucked in a deep breath as if the others already knew something. He suddenly was very aware how close he was to Eddie. Their thighs touched from the knee upwards. Both men had their arms rested on the table, mere inches away from each other.

After Maddie explained to challenge, they soon dived into a talk about friendship and what can ruin that kind of relationships. Buck listened more than he participated in the conversation. All the arguments were the same he had weighted.

“Seriously, it just causes pain”, Hen pointed out and Buck swallowed too loud in his opinion. “If you have feelings for a best friend you should tell them.”

“But you know they say, that you should practice what you preach, so isn’t that the same?” Maddie had her hands up in wonder.

“Yes and no”, Hen continued. “But they leave the talking - the preaching – out.”

“Hey, Buck – you are the insider here, what do you think?”

Buck probably had a deep blush all over his face and he hoped that the others couldn’t see it because of the dim light. He rolled his shoulders back and started to play with the beer bottle in front of him. It was still his first, while Hen was already three drinks in.

“ Well, I’ve heard about the challenge. I don’t know. Honestly, I think Hen has a valid point, because communication is the key to every relationship.”

He stopped his teammates with a wave of his hand. Buck knew how they would point out he was one to talk. But he had learnt from his mistakes.

“Yeah, yeah – I know. But look, feelings are a part of every relationship, no matter if it’s a friendship, a romance or even disliking of someone. Sure, the feelings _can_ be very different, but the positive relationships – friendship and romance for example – they require the same things. Trust, time, communication and in fact a certain kind of love. Did you know that once love had been divided in three kinds? Later those three were complement by others but I’m talking about Agape, Eros and Philia.”

As he finished he recognized the impressed looks on their faces.

Eddie nudged into his shoulder. “Go on.” He mumbled.

“Well, Agape is the selfless love – you can have it for a godlike figure, but also for a person. It’s self-sacrificing. Eros is probably best known because it’s the romantic one, the one with sex and all. Philia on the other hand is the love between friends. I mean – I love you guys, there’s no shame in that.

“If you love someone all free are part of it. One part might develop more prominently in the relationship than the others might, and I think it’s possible they shift. So what I’m going to say is, Hen is right, but even though I agree how painful this challenge might have been for some, it might also help some to realize how their love for a person has shifted.”

Buck wanted to look at Eddie. He actually longed for his reaction, but he didn’t turn his head. First he looked at Hen, who had a genuine and warm smile on her lips. She nodded slowly and something in her gaze made Buck shift around as if she could read his mind.

The other team members where silent for a second and when Chimney got up to bring the next round, he said after the deep conversation they needed refilling. Buck asked for a Coke and relaxed as the others started chatting again. He felt safe enough to glimpse at Eddie. The man to Bucks right met his gaze immediately, again with that nearly not to notice smile on his lips.

Eddie nudged his knee against Buck’s who leaned back against the rest. They both had a bottle in their hands, but Buck was the one playing with his. He felt Eddies shoulder pushing against his and saw him turn his head towards Buck’s ear.

“So, how did it turn out?”

Buck spun his head around, eyebrows high on his forehead. He had no clue, what Eddie meant since he still was ponding over his monologue from before.

“The video, how did it turn out?” Buck saw Eddie’s tongue dart out between his lips, it was just a second, but it mesmerized him anyway.

“Erm, well – quite good”, he stuttered, “Do you wanna see it?”

This time Eddie quickly looked up to him. Buck felt almost uncomfortable under Eddies gaze, but fished his phone out of his pocket after Eddie nodded slightly. 

He unlocked the screen and started to get to the video, when Karen bluntly asked how a challenge like this would turn out between the firehouse members. She directed the question to Buck who clicked the video and handed his phone to Eddie, before leaning back on the table.

Buck fake pondered his opinions.

“Well, Bobby probably would kick me out of the moving truck before I could even plot a plan like this.”

“True.” Laughter erupted on Bobby’s response.

“Mh, Hen…”, she wiggled her eyebrows at him, “I don’t think I could do it – no, no! Because we both would be a giggling mess before anything would happen!” She toasted her drink against his glass of Coke.

“Hear, hear!”

“Well, Maddie is not up for discussion, Chimney clearly would prefer the other Buckley, but still – it would be worth his clueless face!”

Chim acted very offened but Maddie stroked his arm fondly.

“What about Eddie then?”, Chimney retorted.

Buck swallowed. He looked over to his best friend who’s eyes were fixated on the screen of Buck’s phone. Most definitely, he couldn’t tell them he already went down that road. Instead, he said what he had told Eddie.

Buck huffed a laugh before he could talk: “He would call me an idiot, shove my shoulder and probably confiscate my phone.”

To Bucks relieve the team could laugh about that. He took his chance to redirect the conversation away from Eddie and himself.

“But seriously, the one person I would not even dare to consider would be Athena!”

After that the table burst up laughing. Buck leaned back and looked to Eddie. His cheeks were flushed, probably because of the beer – at least that’s what Buck told himself. He turned to whisper to Eddie.

“I won’t post it.”

“Why?” Eddie asked without hesitation. Buck shrugged his shoulder and looked at Eddies hand and the screen.

“I would want you to be okay with it. It was stupid.”

Eddie handed Buck his phone back, placed his bottle on the table before he locked eyes with Buck. His eyes were soft.

“Post it”, he said and excused himself from the table. Buck looked after Eddie.

Since his teammates were still chatting, Buck did what Eddie asked. He opened the app, added the song and hovered his thump over the button before he clicked it.

He released a breath, closed the app, activated flight mode on his phone and put it away.

The rest of the night was a little easier on Buck. It felt like a weight lifted from him and he fell back into ease with Eddie.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buck has to realize that it had not been just a simple challenge. But how was he going to mend his and Eddie's friendship?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...and here we go! It's done. 
> 
> Thank you so, so much for your kind words and feedback. You helped not just to finish this chapter but through a rather difficult week for me and my family. I appreaciated every single comment and was quicker than I expected. So THANK YOU very, very much :) 
> 
> You may expect two confused firefighters, tiptoeing around each other.  
> Have fun with them and happy reading c: 
> 
> Also, don't mind me sitting over here - nervous if I did the first chapter justice...

Eddie had been tipsy when he had urged Buck to post the video. By the time they were leaving, he had a few more beers and Buck didn’t want him to go home by himself. Eddie would not pass out but Buck would have to help him navigate through his house anyway. Therefore, Buck decided to spare himself the detour and took Eddie to the loft, as it was closer to the bar anyway.

Eddie bumped into Bucks arm as they walked from Bucks car to the elevator in the underground parking of Bucks building. Buck was tired but it was nothing compared to Eddie, who could barely hold his eyes open.

Buck closed the door and put his keys on the kitchen table. When he stripped out of his jacket, he heard Eddie kicking of his shoes and saw the man stumbling until he steadied himself on the wall. Buck chuckled.

“Don’t make fun of me,” Eddie slurred.

“I’m not, Eds. Come on – the couch is right there,” Buck guided Eddie towards the living area, his hand on the small of Eddie’s back. He probably imagined Eddie leaning against him on their way but he smiled on the thought.

As soon as Eddie sat down the man ran his hands over his face. He looked up at Buck, eyes sleepy and his mouth stretched into a warm grin. Buck swallowed hard, the flushed cheeks and the look Eddie gave him, let the warmth in his stomach spread.

“Good night, Eddie.” Eddie nodded and laid down. Buck gave him a blanket and got a glass of water from the kitchen to place it on the couch table across from Eddie.

He made his way upstairs and before he reached his own bed, he heard Eddie snoring softly.

* * *

Buck woke up when his loft was already floated with sunlight. He rolled onto his back and laid his arm across his eyes. The memories from the night before crept slowly into his mind. He shifted and listened carefully. No one moved downstairs.

When he got up, he looked over the railing and saw Eddies shoes. The other man was probably still asleep. Buck grabbed some fresh clothes and made his way downstairs to start the coffee machine and maybe take a quick shower.

When all was set, he took his phone from the pocket of his jacket. Carefully silent to not wake Eddie, who was curled up on Bucks couch. Buck disabled flight mode and worked through some messages. He quickly answered Hen and Maddie, before he opened a message from May.

> Whoa – that went through the roof!
> 
> Did you see???

Bucks eyebrows knitted together in unknowingness, so he opened the app he had used the night before. The clicks were high, but Bucks attention was drawn to the comment section.

There were a lot of heart-eye emojis, but also short replies to the video. The comments were very different, but most of them pointed out how genuine the moment appeared.

> _“How nervous he was OMG”_

Buck remembered being freaking nervous.

> _“Oh – that went wrong :S”_  
>  _“I don’t think so! I just think his best friend can’t believe it!”_

Suddenly the video wasn’t so innocent anymore. As Buck read the comments, he went over it in his head. Maybe he _had_ been gentle when he had turned Eddie’s chin. Maybe he _had_ looked at him in awe. However, some comments, which focused on Eddie and his reaction, drew Buck’s attention.

Buck remembered Eddie’s reaction quite well – but he was surprised how others read Eddie.

> _“THAT BLUSH OMG”_  
>  _“He has it bad – but I can’t blame this poor guy! Aw, how he just stares outside the window!”_  
>  _“Holy shit – take this guy out for dinner!!!”_

In Buck’s opinion, it had been a fail – because he had miscalculated Eddie’s reaction. He remembered how he had worried that he had jeopardized their friendship then and there.

However, the comment that made Buck blush was a hashtag.

> _#couplegoals_

Buck closed his eyes. This had been a terrible idea.

How was he supposed to go on? He should never have posted it and he probably should tell them how wrong they all are. They were after all. Right? Right.

He put the phone back on the counter, top down so he didn’t have to look at the screen. He needed to clear his head and went to the bathroom to take a shower.

He let the water run over his body without moving for a while. The warmth lulled him in and he relaxed. After a few minutes, he washed his hair and body before he rolled his shoulders and stepped out. Buck would have to face Eddie. He wasn’t sure if he should tell him about the reactions.

Eddie had encouraged him after all. But was his best friend ready for that? And what should Buck tell him? That he liked the comments? Or even worse- that he liked kissing him to begin with?

Buck was not ready for that. So he decided to not tell Eddie right away. First, he should see how Eddie was holding up anyway. Maybe the other man didn’t remember what he had told Buck last night. That thought actually made it all worse. If Eddie didn’t remember he had told Buck to post the video, he might was not that happy about it. Buck groaned in front of the mirror and hung his head.

He finally had talked himself up enough, got dressed and left the bathroom. When he looked over to the living area, the couch is empty – no sign of Eddie.

The shoes were gone and it looked like Eddie had taken off.

Bucks huffed a breath and walked back to the kitchen. His phone is still there. Screen up, the app still open.

Buck closed his eyes and his shoulders slumped down.

He had jeopardized their friendship. Maybe even ruined it over a freaking challenge.

* * *

Later that day Buck texted Eddie, but didn’t get a reply. He was a little scared of the next shift. He felt sick to his stomach when he thought about facing Eddie.

That it not what Buck had planned for the two weeks of Christopher’s summer camp. He had wanted to distract Eddie, but not to distance from him.

Eddie was at the station before Buck. He had already changed as Buck found him. He was upstairs talking with Bobby. As Buck entered Eddie’s field of vision he saw Eddie turning his head towards him. But there was no eye contact and as soon as he had turned towards Buck, Eddie had turned back to Bobby.

Buck changed and sat on the bench a little longer than necessary. He didn’t hear Hen enter the locker room or that she sat beside him.

“Hey, are you okay? You look a little down, Buckaroo.”

He exhaled loudly and slumped a little more. His forearms rested on his thighs and he turned his head a little to look at Hen.

“It’s nothing. Or nothing big at least.” Hen nodded, but her eyebrows showed no sign of satisfaction with his answer.

“I did something stupid,” Buck finally said.

“Oh, come on-“

“No, no – this time I did. I did something just to… to… I don’t know. Maybe for clicks, maybe for fun or because I liked the idea. But it was stupid. I didn’t think about the consequences – again, Hen. I did it again!”

Her hand was on his shoulder and draw little patters there.

“Whatever it was – I haven’t heard about from anyone. Do you wanna tell me?”

Buck sighed and shook his head.

“Not really.”

“Okay. But listen, Buckaroo – it probably wasn’t stupid. You know how you tend to see the bad in those things you do sometimes. But you are not a bad person – actually you are anything but. Maybe you did something and didn’t think about it, all right. Don’t meet trouble halfway.”

Buck chewed his lower lip. He pondered about her word. “Yeah, you are right.”

“Didn’t you say something about communication last night?”

The corner of his mouth hiked up on that and he nodded. She was right. If he wanted to know what Eddie had seen, he should ask him.

The bell went off and both Hen and Buck got up and joined the rest of the team.

Buck sat next to Eddie as usual and even though they didn’t talk much, it didn’t feel much different than before and Buck was thankful for that.

On the call, they worked in sync. Maybe without communicating, but they worked together as a team. Eddie had told Buck they were okay. They were okay.

It was still awkward throughout the rest of the shift. Close to the end, they just came back from a call when Eddie’s phone rang. He quickly made an excuse and shuffled away from the rest. His shoulders were tense, but Buck saw him relax – so, Christopher was okay.

Buck turned to help the rest, when he heard Eddie’s voice rise. By the time he turned around, he saw his friend yell at the phone.

He walked over, laid a hand on Eddie’s shoulder, who immediately turned around with a helpless look on his face.

“Everything ok, Eds?” Buck tightened his grip as he asked.

Eddie nodded and clearly looked for words. “Yeah, yeah – the phone just died.” His shoulders slumped.

“He must think I didn’t want to talk. That I have better things to do.”

Buck turned and had both his hands on Eddie’s shoulders. He looked sternly at the dark brown hairline since Eddie had hung his head.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Buck lowered his voice to a whisper. They were at the station but Eddie shouldn’t feel all eyes on him.

“No such talk. Do you really think Christopher would think that?” Buck raised his eyebrows. Eddie finally looked up.

“He knows you love him more than anything. You know the kid knows how a phone works. Come on, Eddie.”

Buck moved on hand over to Eddie’s neck, his thump brushed along his jaw.

“You are the best dad a kid could have – no, hear me out – you are. Right now Chris probably has the time of his life. He wants to tell you all about it. But you don’t have to feel small for not being with him. You gave him this awesome opportunity. Because you are a great father, Eddie.”

By the time he finished, their foreheads touched and he felt Eddie nod more than he saw it.

For Buck the world had stopped moving. He was in a perfect bubble – he had told Eddie how amazing he was, he could go on for hours how much Eddie impressed him as a father. He could tell him a happy memory because he had plenty of those just to cheer this man up. Moreover, he could stay like that forever. Just the two of them standing so close, breathing together.

Bucks back pocket started to buzz and secretly he had many bad things to say about this. He didn’t know the number but when he answered he eyed Eddie attentively.

“Hello?”

There was rustling on the line.

“Hey Buck – it’s me! Christopher!”

“Hey superman”, Eddie’s eyes shot up, warm and tender, “How are you doing, champ?”

“It’s so awesome, Buck! But, hey – I was talking to dad and the line was cut off. Is he okay?”

Buck chuckled. This boy was clearly his father’s son. Absently he draw patterns on Eddie’s neck.

“Yeah, he is right here with me. Wait a second, buddy!”

He offered Eddie the phone. “Go to the bunk room, you’ll have some quiet.”

As Eddie walked off Buck buried his hands in his pockets and turned away to finish his tasks before he climbed up the stairs to join the rest of his family at the table.

Eddie returned minutes before the end of the shift. Buck did the dishes when Eddie reached him.

“Thanks,” Eddie muttered. Buck smiled at him but Eddie didn’t return the gesture. He laid Bucks phone close to the sink, his eyes avoided Buck’s face in general. Buck let the plate go back into the water and braced both hands on the brim of the sink. His head turned around slightly.

On Eddie’s cheek was a soft blush, his hands were in his pockets and his jaw was working.

“Everything okay?”

“Mh? Oh, yeah. I just – I got to go. See you soon, alright?”

Buck nodded, pushed the tongue into his cheek and watched after Eddie as the man left the station.

With furrowed brows, he finished his duty and dried his hands before getting his phone. He exchanged some goodbyes in the locker room and told Chimney to send his love to Maddie. Afterwards he walked to his jeep and exhaled loudly once he closed the door.

Buck took his phone and unlocked it. He thought he should text Eddie but instead of his home screen, he saw the gallery was open.

He looked through his resent pictures but actually ended at the video. However, not the one he uploaded – the second one.

Buck remembered he had noticed it before but hadn’t watched it. He must had hit record after he had stopped the first video.

His eyes scanned the parking lot and he waved at Hen with a smile before he returned his gaze to the screen.

By accident he had documented their drive to the hills. He remembered it lively. How he had started the car and how soon his head had filled with worry and regret. Buck remembered his rambling and how Eddie wouldn’t join the conversation. But this time he focused on Eddie.

He saw Eddies jaw work and clench as the man looked outside the window. His flushed cheeks just as Buck had noticed them after the kiss. Buck nearly stopped the video because he also remembered the tense atmosphere.

But then he saw Eddie’s eyes darting towards him several times. Eddie had lowered the hand from his mouth and Buck saw a warm smile as the Eddie in the video slightly shook his head. He ran his right hand through his hair and ran his thumb over his lips. And while video-Buck rambled on he saw the the ghosting smile.

Buck didn’t know what to do with all these new images but didn’t delete the video after all.

* * *

> How is Chris doing?

Buck tossed his phone on his bed after he sent the text.

It had only be hours since they had seen each other at work. But Buck had gone down a rabbit hole. The way Eddie had returned the phone made him wonder what Eddie had looked at. Somehow he couldn’t shake the feeling off that Eddie had in fact watched the video or even videos.

On his drive home, he had pondered his opportunities. He settled on texting first before jumping into action. When his phone pinged, his breath hitched.

> He is doing great. Just as you said.

Buck smiled.

> Would say I told you so ;)
> 
> Any plans tonight?

He really hoped that he did not put to much pressure on Eddie. But Buck needed to know a few things for sure.

Had Eddie seen the videos? If so, what was he thinking? Moreover, what had he thought in the car?

> Nothing much.

No question. Buck remembered thinking _Here goes nothing_ back in the car a few days ago.

> Movie night?

Buck played with his phone. He nearly threw it when it rang.

“Eddie?” Buck asked. He could hear Eddie.

“Movie night sounds good.”

Buck closed his eyes and released a breath.

“Awesome! Do you want me to pick something up or are we ordering in?”

“Um, I ordered. Should be here in a little while. Hope that’s okay?”

“I’m on my way!”

Buck meant it and he was already off his bed. When he reached the stairs he changed his mind and got a fresh shirt before he went down to grab his keys.

The drive was easy; he tried drive slowly but thrummed his fingers on the steering wheel. Once he arrived, he was nervous. He drummed against his thighs.

His knocking was a little too enthusiastic and he flinched doing it. When Eddie opened the door, they locked eyes for a brief second before Eddie looked at the ground and Buck let his gaze drift to the side.

Eddie let him in and they settled on the couch. They went over their movie choices and decided on a lighthearted movie. Buck knew he couldn’t focus even if he wanted to.

“I’m glad he is doing so good.” Buck said. He leant against the cushion and had a foot up on the edge of the table. Eddie nodded. But before they could dive deeper in a conversation there was a knock at the door.

“Must be the delivery.”

As Eddie walked to the door, Buck decided to get some beer. He knew he would be nervous but this was not just nervous. It was tense and awkward and oh, how Buck regretted so many things.

The food containers were on the couch table, Eddie sat on the couch, his forearms rested on his upper thighs.

Buck placed a bottle in front of him and navigated himself around Eddie to sit back down. He mimicked Eddie’s posture and after having a sip, he put his bottle down.

Something is off, they couldn’t start a conversation. Buck had opened his mouth and closed it again more than twice. He got frustrated and grabbed his dinner. Eddie resumed the movie and took his food container as well.

As the credits started Eddie collected everything empty or nearly as and brought it to the kitchen. Buck grabbed their bottles and followed. For the last twenty minutes, he was burning with unreleased anger. He was angry about himself, about the entire situation.  
After all, he had asked for movie night and Eddie had invited him over. How could they possibly be that awkward when they normally worked so well.

Eddie braced himself against the counter by the sink, his head hung down and his shoulder were tense. Buck put the bottles down and leaned against the counter not far from Eddie. He glanced over and saw Eddie shut his eyes intently; it looked like he was in pain. Buck released a deep breath and crossed his arms in front of his chest; his head lowered, chin rested on his chest.

“Eddie, what is going on?”

Eddie did not answer immediately. “Nothing,” he finally pressed out between his teeth.

“Sure,” Buck chuckled darkly. “So – we are fine and not awkward at all.”

“Of course we are fine!”

Buck rolled not just his eyes but his entire head. He settled his gaze on the wall across the room and pushed his tongue into his cheek before he clucked it.

“Eddie, that’s bullshit and you know it.”

“We have to be fine,” Eddie winced and the desperation in his voice hurt Buck. “We have to. I can’t go on without you – not again.”

Buck knew he meant the lawsuit. How he wasn’t there. They had been over that in the recent past. Buck also understood what Eddie meant. It was exactly the reason why this shift in the relationship was so hard on him. He couldn’t go on without Eddie, either.

In every possible scenario Eddie had to be a part of his life. Not just Eddie, also Christopher. Just as the rest of their family at the station, but particularly Eddie and Chris.

“But it’s different now,” Buck’s voice wasn’t more than a whisper. “It’s-“

“-awkward,” Eddie finished.

“Yes,” Buck mumbled. Eddie nodded slowly. “But why?”

Eddie turned his head slightly and eyed Buck from the corner of his eyes. “Why it’s awkward?”

“Yeah. I know – I shouldn’t have done it and I am so, so sorry, but you told me you were okay – that we are okay. Hell, you told me to post it! But ever since,” Buck closed his eyes and lowered his head again, “ever since, I don’t know, Eddie.”

“You apologize every time, Buck.”

“Yes! Of course I do! I’m sorry – for ruining it – ruining us.”

Eddie’s body shifted and he turned towards Buck. “You did not ruin anything!”

Buck shook his head and ran his hand over his face. It didn’t make sense. “What is it then?”

“I don’t want you to apologize or regret it,” Eddie’s voice was much calmer now, “because I don’t.”

Buck’s eyes snapped open but he couldn’t face Eddie. He stared into nothingness. What did Eddie just say?

“Eddie...,” he slowly tilted his head, his mouth could not close. Eddie scanned Buck’s face before he darted his eyes back to the sink.

“When I checked your phone the other morning – mine ran out of battery – I- I saw the comments.”

Buck gulped but nodded. He didn’t say a thing, too afraid of what Eddie would say next.

“They were… well, you have read them. I freaked. I had no idea how to act around you, how to tell you that… Anyway. And when you lent me your phone earlier and Chris ended the call I watched the video again,” Eddie shut his eyes close.

Buck’s eyebrows knitted together. “You know the video, you saw it.” But Eddie shook his head.

“The other video, Buck.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“The one after?” Eddie nodded. “Well, you clearly were… processing.” Buck didn’t know what else to say. He still could place what he had seen early himself. How Eddie had glanced over to him, how a smile had ghosted his lips after. Eddie’s laughter rambled from his lungs, low and dark.

“Processing? Buck, I grinned like a freaking teenager and couldn’t believe it. But then – I don’t know. It was just another challenge, so…,” he shrugged. Buck had eyed him closely. He had seen how Eddie’s face changed when he said it was just another challenge. Buck realized it wasn’t for him. No, it was not just another challenge.

Sure, it had been a challenge that Buck had accepted. But if he thought about how he had thought about the outcome, how nervous he had been before he had kissed Eddie. It was not just a challenge.

“Eddie, it wasn’t! Let me-“

“No, no, Buck. Don’t. Listen, I’m not mad. I just…,” Eddie sighed deeply, “It’s just your challenges are, well, challenging for me.” He ran his hands through his hair. “Jesus, Buck – sometimes it was too much for me.”

Buck waited patiently for Eddie to explain. His breath was labored and he didn’t dare to move.

“The first time I realized it, I think it was Savage Love. When you did that dance my face was probably flushed the entire shift. I was absolutely sure I was coming down with a feverish cold. But then it happened again when you did it with Hen. That’s when I ran against the freaking bench in the locker room because I got so distracted.”

Buck could hold the sound back, but his shoulders shook with a small chuckle and he felt the muscles in his face relax.

“But that Romeo & Juliette thing? That nearly broke me, man. The funny thing is, I never seen it before, but after what you pulled before our hike – I got it then.”

Eddie smiled at the sink and slowly shook his head.

“Got what?” Buck breathed.

Eddie’s face fell. His eyes hooded, he licked over his lips. Buck inhaled a sharp breath. He saw Eddie’s lips move he clearly mumbled something. It was not audible so Buck moved a little closer and put a hand on Eddie’s shoulder to encourage him. 

The other man closed his eyes and let out a shaking breath. When he repeated it, Buck froze in place.

_That I like you._

His eyes widened and he leaned back from Eddie, even though his hand never left Eddie’s shoulder.

“Well,” Buck tried to push the confusion from his mind, “I like you, too, Eddie. You are my best friend. That’s why I’m so sor-“ Eddie shook his head more violently at this.

“No, Buck. You are not hearing me. I _like_ like you.”

Buck felt a weight lifted from his chest. He breathed little huffs of laughter and let his eyes roam somewhere over Eddie’s head.

Eddie liked him. Not just as best friend? He grin spread across Bucks face and he could not stop it. On the way to the hike, Eddie’s face was flushed because he liked Buck and Buck had kissed him. That must be why he had run his thumb over his lips back in the car.

Buck’s gaze settled back on Eddie, who was still turned towards the sink, eyes closely shut. Buck took Eddie’s face in his hands to turn it to look at him. He has no idea what to say, even though he has so many questions. Instead, he scanned Eddie’s features. The dark haired man in front of him avoided his eyes.

Buck lowered his head, he was on eye level with Eddie.

“Really?” Buck whispered and Eddie looked up at the question. He barely nodded, but it was enough for Buck. There it was. Eddie had put himself out there. Buck knew it had not just been a challenge. If it had been, he would have never been that nervous. He had known he was risking something amazing. Still, he had have the feeling that he had to do it. He remembered how familiar it had felt - and that he had intended to do it again right then.

Buck smiled and brushed his thumbs over Eddie’s cheek. He leaned in and placed a chaste kiss on Eddie’s lips. When Eddie melted into him, so many things made sense to Buck. He cupped Eddie’s face and moved his lips slightly. Eddie answered him with a soft whimper and brushed his tongue against Buck’s lower lip. Buck groaned and let Eddie deepen the kiss, suddenly aware of Eddie’s hand on his hips. They exchanged small kisses before they rested their foreheads against each other.

Buck still caressed Eddie’s cheeks, which have the same flush he had seen before.

“Since when?”, he asked, his mouth dry, so he wet his lips with his tongue. He saw Eddie blink, his focus on the dark lashes that were just mere inches away from Bucks eyes. Eddie shook his a head a little before he spoke up.

“I don’t know. A while I guess.” The grip on Buck’s hips tightened.

“Why didn’t you say something?” Buck used his hand to tilt Eddie’s head up and rested his hand on Eddie’s neck.

“I don’t know,” Eddie mumbled and Buck raised his eyebrows.  
“Because you are my best friend. Because I need you in my life and in Chris’s life. I can't risk to lose you.”

Buck smiled and moved both his hands back to cup Eddie’s face. He wanted to tell him not to worry, that he won’t leave – neither Eddie nor Chris. At least he was not planning to do so willingly any time soon.

“Eds, in every scenario that I can imagine in my head – you are a part of it. You and Christopher. You can’t lose me, you got me. And if you let me, I got you.”

Eddie chuckled. “What was it? I can have your back any time?”

Buck smacked Eddie’s shoulder without much strength but couldn’t hold the laughter in.

“I said that,” he bit his lip, which drew Eddie’s attention.

“You got me, Evan Buckley. I’m totally fine with that,” Eddie said before he leaned in a captured Buck’s lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There it is the fluffy ending we all had hoped for. 
> 
> I seriously hope that I didn't mix things up or left too many errors - and honestly hope you are happy with the outcome.  
> Let me know and drop a comment!  
> All the love c:

**Author's Note:**

> So that's that.... What do you think?  
> Let me know because there might be a second chapter in the working but I'm not sure about it yet!
> 
> Edit: Second chapter is nearly done. Got to read over it once more and then you'll be served ;)


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